Reading time: 2 – 3 minutes

Work time has never been meant to be fun time. With the pressure of keeping up with the pace of your day-to-day activities, the constant nagging of your boss about the completion of a particular task, the extra hours of pushing yourself to produce, and the difficult challenge of performing up to par in spite of uncooperative workmates, it’s impossible to derive pleasure while trying to cope with all these hassles.

Yet there’s an inner part of you that yearns so eagerly to break out from this modern form of bondage. Deep inside, you want to find enjoyment in the things that you do. You want to seriously climb the top of the career ladder while still flashing a brilliant smile in every flight that you take. You want your job to be not just your source of livelihood but to be your spirit-booster, your happiness-supplier and your dream-weaver.

How many times have you spoken to yourself about staying put to your current line of work? How many times have you tried to come to terms with yourself and just hope for a better day to come? And how often have you countered yourself feeling that your work is devoid of enjoyment and will never become an ideal one for you, now or in the near future?

Regular 9-5 o’clock workers who go through this repeated cycle often end up seeking the new employment. They begin to cling to the idea that shifting job is the only logical option. They believe that when your interest in your present career slowly dies, the only way to resuscitate it back to the world of the living is to find another place where you can suitably exist.

However, changing jobs may not be the direct answer to your problem. There are instances when hanging onto your present employment is better than transferring to where the grass is presumably greener. Indeed, who can guarantee you that moving on will not present you with exactly the same problem? Before you call it quits, give your plan of changing careers a second or third thought. You may still turn your long-time job into your dream job. All that you may need is a few routine changes, willingness to experiment, and a freshly developed work perspective.

Reading time: 3 – 5 minutes

One of the hardest pieces of advice I came across was this: “The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.” The person advising me even added, “Once you do it, you’ll move from a place of pain, paralysis and depression to one of power, energy and excitement.”

Up to now, I am still looking forward to the day when I can actually hold a spider, thank you! I fear spiders. And no thanks, I could rather remain in that “place of pain, paralysis and depression” that my adviser was alluding to. It will not ruin my life anyway, even if I do not muster enough courage to hold a spider until the day I die!

But then….

Some things in life, we have to try. More than spiders, we have to conquer many fears that limit us: The fear of speaking in public, of coming up to strangers, the fear of speaking up what’s on our mind, the fear of hurting people or being hurt by people… These fears and many more, can paralyze us. They can give us a miserable time.

So, how do we go out and face that which we fear? Here are some strategies…

First, imagine the new you. Go beyond your fear and imagine yourself when you have finally conquered that which you fear. In your mind, picture yourself with a higher salary because you came up to your boss and demanded what you deserve. Imagine receiving thousands of commission because you overcame your fear of approaching possible clients. Imagine having a sexy body because you finally went for that liposuction you’ve been dreaming of but were afraid to have. Imagine too, how you feel with your success. That ought to push you to actually conquer your fear!

Second, research for the facts. We fear the unknown. If we knew what’s there for us, what will happen–no exaggeration, no prejudice, then we will know how to prepare, how to counteract. We can arm ourselves–emotionally, physically and mentally if we know who and what our enemy and battle will be. Thus, if you are afraid of something, research. Know everything you have to know so you can prepare yourself for battle. Look for statistics, interview those who have experienced what you are about to, read, surf the net. Use technology to your advantage.

Third, change your routine. Let’s say you fear heights. Because of that, you avoid carnivals because you might be persuaded to ride the Ferris Wheel or the octopus or roller coaster. For a change, don’t play safe. Go to a carnival. At first, just watch your friends as they enjoy themselves. Who knows, you may be challenged. You may volunteer to try the rides without anybody having to cajole you. And once you do–even the simplest ride of all, you will feel braver.

Fourth, go for it! Going back to the carnival experience. Once you have tried to actually ride and not just watch your friends, you’re in. Go for it! Even if you still feel insecure, try the next complicated ride. Finally, aim for the highest, of all, the roller-coaster. After that, do it more often until you discover that you have successfully conquered your fear of heights! Once you’ve conquered your fears of heights, think of how much more wonderful your life will be: you can go nature tripping, mountain climbing, rappelling, and bungee jumping. You can ride see-through elevators and enjoy the breathtaking sights, you can look out from the window when you ride an airplane, you can…

As for me, since there’s nothing to lose, but in fact, more to gain because of my fear of spiders (I will be forced to keep the house clean), then it is okay. I’ll just try to face this fear some other time.
Hey wait a minute…who shouted “Coward!”?

Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes

Continued from Reforming Habitual Latecomers Part One

Is There Hope?

There are many other possible reasons why a person becomes a habitual latecomer. But the bigger question is: Can they be reformed?

Luckily, yes.

The process of reforming a habitual latecomer is not simple. It requires the help of those around him, but most of all, his own conviction to change. A latecomer who is determined to change must let the people around him–his immediate family, his close friends and co-workers–know that he wants to change because he will need their help.

Here are some strategies:

First, instruct your friends not to wait for you longer than a specified length of time. If they can have the nerve to wait for you for half an hour (or even longer), tell them to wait for only up to 15 minutes. After a week, adjust the allowance to only 10 minutes. The next week, cut it down to only five minutes… until you are forced to arrive on time. Do not hold grudges if they leave you. That should force you to be more punctual.

Second, fine yourself or ask your friends, relatives, or co-workers to fine you the next time you arrive later than 10 minutes. After a week, let them fine you if you arrive one minute later than the agreed time.

Third, ask a member of your family (your mom or sibling) to act as your timer. For instance, ask her to wake you up at six in the morning and not to leave you until you actually step out of bed. Then ask her to pester you so that you leave the house at exactly seven. If you rely on yourself alone, you won’t be able to do that because you have no sense of time! You need someone else to discipline you until you become disciplined on your own.

Fourth, if you agree to meet friends or relatives at a certain time, agree too that if you arrive more than five minutes late, you will shoulder all their snacks or perform their library research! You can also agree to be their “slave” for the day if you come late!

Fifth, work at your self-esteem. This is a more difficult strategy and it takes longer to achieve. The effort is worth it though, because once you gain self-confidence, you will improve as a whole and not only where it concerns punctuality. Develop a talent that you have. (Yes, you do have a talent. Everybody has!) Excel in your own field so that people will admire and respect you.

Sixth, ask your mom, sibling or your spouse to advance the setting of your alarm clock without your knowing.

Seventh, psyche yourself. Keep reminding yourself that you can do it, that you can be punctual. Repeat this every time you have an appointment,

Reading time: 3 – 4 minutes

Whether women have or don’t have the right to be late (even for their wedding), it doesn’t matter. The point is, both men and women can be habitual late comers. There’s something more about being a habitual latecomer than just a faulty alarm clock, a hang-over, the blasted traffic, surfing the net till three a.m. or any other reason that is to blame. For habitual latecomers, the problem is more of psychological and emotional. May I repeat–we are talking of habitual latecomers here in Comstock.

I am sure you know them: people who arrive 30 minutes to an hour late, people who are always late, never mind if their appointment is just three blocks away from where they are coming from!

Countless studies made psychologists come up with different reasons why people become habitual latecomers.  Here are five:

First, the desire to be above reality – This may be hard to believe. One theory is that habitual latecomers have a subconscious desire to prove to themselves and to those around them that they are above reality: that they have their own perception of time and even their own ethics. Most habitual latecomers believe that there’s nothing wrong about being late, about making other people wait for them. What is important for them is that they arrived!

Second, Freud’s finding – Sigmund Freud was among the first to analyze the psychology of habitual latecomers. In a breakthrough experiment, he gave several people their own stopwatches. They were then instructed to stop their watches every ten minutes. Amusingly, the habitual latecomers in the group likewise stopped their watches late! The test results proved that habitual latecomers have their own perception of time!

Third, the childhood connection – It is believed that kids who had difficulty with toilet training, finishing their food or sleeping are the ones who become habitual latecomers when they become adults. That is because, as kids, they associated certain times of the day with the difficulties and discomfort they experienced. In the child’s mind, he may be thinking “10 a.m. is when I will be forced to take a bath, one p.m. is when I will be forced to take a nap, six p.m. is when I will be forced to relieve myself before I go to sleep…” Therefore, the child subconsciously thinks of ways to stop the clock so that those dreaded times won’t come!

Fourth, self-esteem – Aside from childhood hang-ups, being habitually tardy was also found to be connected to a low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem may unconsciously find ways to feel important and powerful. One is by making other people wait for them. In their mind, they believe that “I am important. Even if I always arrive late, they will still wait for me. They enjoy my presence so they won’t mind if they always wait for me!”

Fifth, discipline deficit – The lack of discipline is another reason for being a habitual latecomer. A person who grew up in a household where he was seldom or never assigned responsibilities will find it hard to handle responsibilities when he grows up into an adult. He won’t care if he arrives on time (or if he arrives at all) for appointments. He won’t be bothered if he can’t submit projects and assignments on the given deadline.

Continued in Reforming Habitual Latecomers Part Two

Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes

Continued from Eight Steps To Be Self Reliant Part One

Fifth, mingle. Forget burying your head in the punch bowl. When you arrive at a party, stride over to someone who seems interesting and strike up a conversation. Introduce yourself to the woman in the leopard-print dress. Ask the shy guy in the corner how he knows the host. Request a martini-making lesson from the bartender. You’ll probably help other people beat their anxieties in the process of beating your own.

Sixth, make the perfect toast. When you want to congratulate a pal on her promotion or drink to your uncle’s birthday party, stand up after everyone has arrived and settled down– but before you’ve had too much bubbly. Rehearsing ahead of time is a good idea. As for your word choice, “the only rule is that you be short, to the point and whenever possible, sincere.” Gentle jokes and teasing are fine but avoid sensitive subjects and questionable humor.

To expertly open champagne, cover the bottle’s neck and cork with a cloth napkin. This serves to “check the cork’s propulsion across the room” and secure your hold. Twist the cork slowly until you hear a pop.

Seventh, take charge in a medical emergency. In the United States someone is injured in his own home every nine seconds, reports the National Safety Council. Your best defense? Keep a well stocked first-aid kit on hand and be prepared. Memorize these tips from the Junior Girl Scouts Handbook:

• If someone is bleeding profusely, place a clean cloth directly on the wound and press firmly. If possible, elevate the bleeding part above heart level.
• Recognize the signs that a person is going into shock. Nausea, shallow breathing and cold and clammy skin are all indicators. If you suspect shock, keep the person lying down. Elevate feet and keep the victim warm by using blankets or your own clothing.
• Take a class in cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR).

Eighth, do not burst into tears. Your, boss/beau/enemy has just slapped you with one nasty insult. You burn with anger and embarrassment. And you feel tears welling in your eyes. How to stop a blubbering scene before it starts? “Imagine terrible revenge,” recommends a psychiatrist. Thinking about what you could—but never would– do is empowering. “If someone insults you, they’re putting you on the battle field,” explains one expert. “If you retreat or break down, you paint yourself as weak. You’ll give your attacker the advantage.”

However, bottle yourself up indiscriminately. “If something tragic happens, it’s appropriate and healthy to cry,” says an expert.

Reading time: 2 – 3 minutes

Confidence is one of the most valuable attributes a person can possess. Luckily, you don’t have to be born with it. Here are eight strategies that can turn even the shiest doe into a strong, self-reliant person.

First, know you can protect yourself. Learn the basics of self-defense. Start by walking down the street especially at night with your head up. “Looking down paints you as vulnerable,” says a martial arts expert. Stay away from doorways, alleys and other places where an attacker might hide.

If someone actually attacks you, scream like a hell. In addition to alerting others, releasing your fear and anger will enhance your feeling of power and prevent you from holding your breath or freezing,” say the folks at Resources for Personal Empowerment, a national non-profit organization that offers Street Smart seminars and self-defense courses.

Second, change a flat tire. Never again be a damsel in distress at the mercy of male passerby. Put on the emergency brake and grab the spare. Position the jack on the bumper or look for a jack notch near each tire. Crank the car up according to the instructions in your owner’s manual or inside the trunk lid. Use a screwdriver to pry the hubcap off and a socket wrench or tire iron to loosen the nuts. Slide the flat off, put the spare in the place, and tighten the nuts, let down the jack. You’re on your way! Practice this and other fast fixes in your driveway until you can do them in your sleep.

Third, make number crunching easy. Learning how to figure ten percent is a quick solution to many Math problems, says one psychologist. Just round up and move the decimal point one place to the left. Say, you’re bargain shopping and you find $4.95 fashion hair accessories and that’s 30% off. Round off the price tag to $5.00 and figure ten percent by moving the decimal point one space to the left triple it and subtract from the original price to get the sale price.

Fourth, learn to accept compliments. “Remind yourself that a person who compliments you is giving you a gift,” suggests a therapist. To refuse the gift would be uncomfortable for both of you. Instead, calmly say, “Thank you.” No ifs, no buts. “You may have to look in the mirror and practice until it’s automatic,” says another therapist. But that’s a small price to pay for putting yourself and others at ease.

Continued in Eight Steps To Be Self Reliant Part Two

Reading time: 3 – 4 minutes

Becoming successful is like cooking an intricate dish. There are many ingredients to make the recipe fantastic. Some ingredients are used more than the others. But each of them contributes to the overall taste of the dish.

You may be surprised to find out that you have all the ingredients to be successful. The problem is, most of the time, you do not know which ingredient to use and how much to use. If you have too much of one ingredient, you come up with a different dish!

Aside from using the right ingredients in the right portion, you also have to process the ingredients properly. Just like in cooking, you should not fry what you should boil. Some recipes taste better when baked rather than when fried and so on….

The same goes with success. As there are standard procedures, there are also common elements among successful people: They have a dream and a plan. They try to learn as much as they can about their goal and they are willing to work hard to achieve that goal. Finally, they don’t give up!

FIVE INGREDIENTS FOR SUCCESS

First, successful people are not easily swayed by other people’s opinions. Even if many people think that it is impossible to achieve their goal, successful people do not just give up without trying. But they do not stop at trying once. If it takes them years, they try and try. Each time they try, they see to it that they are better armed. They learn from every failure, that is why they are determined that they will someday succeed.

Important thought: Successful people produce results and not excuses.

Second, successful people are enthusiastic about what they’re doing. It is not enough for them to just accomplish something. They feel good about what they’re doing and thus, they enjoy while they strive. With enthusiasm, a person feels fulfilled and proud. They are willing to go the extra mile. Thus, success to them yields more meaning.

Important thought: Part of the joy of succeeding comes with working your way to achieve that final result.

Third, successful people look for solutions to problems. The path to success isn’t always smooth and easy. Many trials will test one’s determination. But the successful person does not give up because he does not run away from a problem. Instead, he tries to solve the problem. That way, the hindrance completely disappears, making the path ahead clearer.

Important thought: Problems are lessons in disguise.

Fourth, successful people think before they act. Since they are focused on their dream and they are willing to face and solve the problems that they encounter, they plan before they act. They analyze a problem before they attack. If something goes wrong, successful people have alternatives to fall back on. Successful people spend time researching about their goal. Thus, they know what they should be prepared for.

Important thought: Knowing your enemy is half the battle won!

Fifth, successful people are honest to admit their strengths and weaknesses. By knowing where they need to improve, successful people do not waste time neglecting the weak aspects of their personality. Instead, they work at it so that they will be well-rounded to be able to adapt to different situations. They are aware that there are many ways to strengthen their weak points. Before they go on the journey to their goal, successful people arm themselves with their strengths.

Important thought: Learning starts with knowing your own self.  As Shakespeare wrote, “Know thyself.”