Reading time: 3 – 5 minutes

One of the hardest pieces of advice I came across was this: “The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.” The person advising me even added, “Once you do it, you’ll move from a place of pain, paralysis and depression to one of power, energy and excitement.”

Up to now, I am still looking forward to the day when I can actually hold a spider, thank you! I fear spiders. And no thanks, I could rather remain in that “place of pain, paralysis and depression” that my adviser was alluding to. It will not ruin my life anyway, even if I do not muster enough courage to hold a spider until the day I die!

But then….

Some things in life, we have to try. More than spiders, we have to conquer many fears that limit us: The fear of speaking in public, of coming up to strangers, the fear of speaking up what’s on our mind, the fear of hurting people or being hurt by people… These fears and many more, can paralyze us. They can give us a miserable time.

So, how do we go out and face that which we fear? Here are some strategies…

First, imagine the new you. Go beyond your fear and imagine yourself when you have finally conquered that which you fear. In your mind, picture yourself with a higher salary because you came up to your boss and demanded what you deserve. Imagine receiving thousands of commission because you overcame your fear of approaching possible clients. Imagine having a sexy body because you finally went for that liposuction you’ve been dreaming of but were afraid to have. Imagine too, how you feel with your success. That ought to push you to actually conquer your fear!

Second, research for the facts. We fear the unknown. If we knew what’s there for us, what will happen–no exaggeration, no prejudice, then we will know how to prepare, how to counteract. We can arm ourselves–emotionally, physically and mentally if we know who and what our enemy and battle will be. Thus, if you are afraid of something, research. Know everything you have to know so you can prepare yourself for battle. Look for statistics, interview those who have experienced what you are about to, read, surf the net. Use technology to your advantage.

Third, change your routine. Let’s say you fear heights. Because of that, you avoid carnivals because you might be persuaded to ride the Ferris Wheel or the octopus or roller coaster. For a change, don’t play safe. Go to a carnival. At first, just watch your friends as they enjoy themselves. Who knows, you may be challenged. You may volunteer to try the rides without anybody having to cajole you. And once you do–even the simplest ride of all, you will feel braver.

Fourth, go for it! Going back to the carnival experience. Once you have tried to actually ride and not just watch your friends, you’re in. Go for it! Even if you still feel insecure, try the next complicated ride. Finally, aim for the highest, of all, the roller-coaster. After that, do it more often until you discover that you have successfully conquered your fear of heights! Once you’ve conquered your fears of heights, think of how much more wonderful your life will be: you can go nature tripping, mountain climbing, rappelling, and bungee jumping. You can ride see-through elevators and enjoy the breathtaking sights, you can look out from the window when you ride an airplane, you can…

As for me, since there’s nothing to lose, but in fact, more to gain because of my fear of spiders (I will be forced to keep the house clean), then it is okay. I’ll just try to face this fear some other time.
Hey wait a minute…who shouted “Coward!”?

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Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes

Choosing the perfect career is a sure thing for success in life. However, in order to choose the most suitable career for yourself, you need to spend lots of time. Everyone has a purpose in life, from a farmer to a singer; we all want to contribute to the world in one way or the other. Knowing who you are and what you want is extremely important in the search for success.

When you are choosing your career, you can retrace your past steps. Take a look at your genealogy and childhood to recall what your interests and hobbies are; and who you initially want to become.

You need to now your exact values. These values will become extremely important in your career choice. Such values as independent thinker, freedom, being your own boss will help you decide what type of job you want.

Choosing the right career also depends on your ability. To do well in a job, you need to have the skill set that the job requires. Consider what you can undertake and what you can accomplish if you take a job; evaluate the pros and cons of that job to give yourself an idea of the possibility of your success.

There are many options available to you. You should do a search on Google or in the library to find different career paths options. There are plenty of jobs available on the market and waiting for you. If you feel stuck in your current employment and find no option, it is because you haven’t done enough research.

Another important point to remember is to follow your heart.  You will succeed at anything provided you love to do it. That’s a very simple sentence but it contains all the information you need for your career choice. Don’t just choose a career because other people advice you to do so. You understand yourself best, so why you distrust yourself and believe in someone else who doesn’t know you thoroughly?

If you are still unsure of what step you should take, a career advisor may help you. He/she will give you a career test and see what you are most suited for. You can talk to the advisor about what you really want and your ability, he will be glad to give out useful information about what you should do.

A perfect career is something all of us dream of. But many of us constantly change their career. It is common for an average person to have at least two career changes in his life. When you are changing your career too fast, it means you haven’t put enough thought in your career decision. To achieve the most in life, we need to plan our future wisely, and choosing the right career is one important step towards achieving what you want.

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There are many opportunities as well as challenges associated with being unemployed.  When we are working on a job, we put all our strength into it, whether we are satisfied with it or not. When we lose that job, we feel rejected and unwanted. If we can not find another job quickly to fill in the gap, we will feel very stressful or even depressed.

However, if we look at unemployment from a positive point of view, it is an excellent time for us to refresh ourselves and make crucial changes that will have a positive impact on our lives.  Choosing the right career is extremely important.

The first “resolution” you should make is to take this free time to repair things around the house. You can also choose to work on a project that you have wanted to do but haven’t got the time. You will find fun in doing small things and have a sense of accomplishment. This will certainly improve your mood if you are under stress.

You can provide your service for free to prove your ability in order to attract employers. You can search public records.  Volunteer to do jobs for your neighbors or help the community with social activities is just some ideas you can follow. You will feel elated when being able to help others and the people who receive your free service can become your potential employers.

You can also start your own business. Many people after being unemployed start their own business and succeed. What you need is a passion and determination to turn that passion into a lucrative business. You will be your own boss and there is no more “regular schedule”, or “late for work”. But remember, starting one’s own business requires lots of energy and knowledge. You have to learn about the facts before beginning to do anything.

If you can’t start your own business then think about the possibility of part-time or contract employment.

Job. At least a part time job will provide you with a means to cover your basic expense. It is better to work for your pay than to wait for an unemployment check. Many part time jobs offer the possibility of full time employment.

You should maintain a positive attitude all the time. Follow the tips for choosing a career.  Although it is very hard to keep feeling well while you are unemployed and have nothing to do, you still have to keep confident feelings with you so as to be truly successful afterwards. A positive attitude is everything you need to advance in life. Just a minor setback should not ruin your confidence. People will have difficulties some time in their lives, you are just one of them, and therefore, you should learn to deal with these adversities effectively.

In summary, you need to keep your chin up and fight the adversities. You have to be someone an employer wants to hire. By being confident and doing various constructive activities you will greatly increase your chance of getting a job.

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Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes

Continued from Reforming Habitual Latecomers Part One

Is There Hope?

There are many other possible reasons why a person becomes a habitual latecomer. But the bigger question is: Can they be reformed?

Luckily, yes.

The process of reforming a habitual latecomer is not simple. It requires the help of those around him, but most of all, his own conviction to change. A latecomer who is determined to change must let the people around him–his immediate family, his close friends and co-workers–know that he wants to change because he will need their help.

Here are some strategies:

First, instruct your friends not to wait for you longer than a specified length of time. If they can have the nerve to wait for you for half an hour (or even longer), tell them to wait for only up to 15 minutes. After a week, adjust the allowance to only 10 minutes. The next week, cut it down to only five minutes… until you are forced to arrive on time. Do not hold grudges if they leave you. That should force you to be more punctual.

Second, fine yourself or ask your friends, relatives, or co-workers to fine you the next time you arrive later than 10 minutes. After a week, let them fine you if you arrive one minute later than the agreed time.

Third, ask a member of your family (your mom or sibling) to act as your timer. For instance, ask her to wake you up at six in the morning and not to leave you until you actually step out of bed. Then ask her to pester you so that you leave the house at exactly seven. If you rely on yourself alone, you won’t be able to do that because you have no sense of time! You need someone else to discipline you until you become disciplined on your own.

Fourth, if you agree to meet friends or relatives at a certain time, agree too that if you arrive more than five minutes late, you will shoulder all their snacks or perform their library research! You can also agree to be their “slave” for the day if you come late!

Fifth, work at your self-esteem. This is a more difficult strategy and it takes longer to achieve. The effort is worth it though, because once you gain self-confidence, you will improve as a whole and not only where it concerns punctuality. Develop a talent that you have. (Yes, you do have a talent. Everybody has!) Excel in your own field so that people will admire and respect you.

Sixth, ask your mom, sibling or your spouse to advance the setting of your alarm clock without your knowing.

Seventh, psyche yourself. Keep reminding yourself that you can do it, that you can be punctual. Repeat this every time you have an appointment,

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1. Part One Reforming Habitual Latecomers

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Whether women have or don’t have the right to be late (even for their wedding), it doesn’t matter. The point is, both men and women can be habitual late comers. There’s something more about being a habitual latecomer than just a faulty alarm clock, a hang-over, the blasted traffic, surfing the net till three a.m. or any other reason that is to blame. For habitual latecomers, the problem is more of psychological and emotional. May I repeat–we are talking of habitual latecomers here in Comstock.

I am sure you know them: people who arrive 30 minutes to an hour late, people who are always late, never mind if their appointment is just three blocks away from where they are coming from!

Countless studies made psychologists come up with different reasons why people become habitual latecomers.  Here are five:

First, the desire to be above reality – This may be hard to believe. One theory is that habitual latecomers have a subconscious desire to prove to themselves and to those around them that they are above reality: that they have their own perception of time and even their own ethics. Most habitual latecomers believe that there’s nothing wrong about being late, about making other people wait for them. What is important for them is that they arrived!

Second, Freud’s finding – Sigmund Freud was among the first to analyze the psychology of habitual latecomers. In a breakthrough experiment, he gave several people their own stopwatches. They were then instructed to stop their watches every ten minutes. Amusingly, the habitual latecomers in the group likewise stopped their watches late! The test results proved that habitual latecomers have their own perception of time!

Third, the childhood connection – It is believed that kids who had difficulty with toilet training, finishing their food or sleeping are the ones who become habitual latecomers when they become adults. That is because, as kids, they associated certain times of the day with the difficulties and discomfort they experienced. In the child’s mind, he may be thinking “10 a.m. is when I will be forced to take a bath, one p.m. is when I will be forced to take a nap, six p.m. is when I will be forced to relieve myself before I go to sleep…” Therefore, the child subconsciously thinks of ways to stop the clock so that those dreaded times won’t come!

Fourth, self-esteem – Aside from childhood hang-ups, being habitually tardy was also found to be connected to a low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem may unconsciously find ways to feel important and powerful. One is by making other people wait for them. In their mind, they believe that “I am important. Even if I always arrive late, they will still wait for me. They enjoy my presence so they won’t mind if they always wait for me!”

Fifth, discipline deficit – The lack of discipline is another reason for being a habitual latecomer. A person who grew up in a household where he was seldom or never assigned responsibilities will find it hard to handle responsibilities when he grows up into an adult. He won’t care if he arrives on time (or if he arrives at all) for appointments. He won’t be bothered if he can’t submit projects and assignments on the given deadline.

Continued in Reforming Habitual Latecomers Part Two

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1. Part Two Reforming Habitual Latecomers

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To find the perfect career that best suits you, you really have to consider everything you have achieved in your life to date, and in addition to that, you need to take into consideration everything you would have wished to achieve.

You can ask yourself important questions like:

Why you chose you last job?

Have you ever considered every possible career you can undertake?

One sure thing you should not do is to follow other people’s mainstream ideas. Do some reading at the public library.  There’s no need applying for a job just because many others are applying to it. Acting upon other’s advice is also not very good for your career path. You need to think for yourself and decide.

If you would love to become an English teacher teaching English to foreign students, you should choose that career. Do not dismiss it just because it seems a bit odd at first thought. You will only succeed when you are able to do the thing you like. Therefore, you should be bold in your career choice.

Have you had a burning desire to do something different in your life? Maybe now you realize how valuable past career experiences are for your future development. You know the common mistakes that can cost you jobs and the important of your past achievement to your future employment.

To truly evaluate yourself.  Ask yourself hard questions like:

What type of personality do you have?

What do you expect from a job?

How do you know when you have got the perfect job?

What is your decision based on?

Do you have the required skills for your ideal job?

Who else will be affected by your career choice?

How many options are available to you?

There are resources both online and in print to help you make your choice. . One of the most effective methods is to go online and take a personality test to determine your skills, values and interests. Once you have evaluated your peculiarities, you can start your real journey the best matched career of your choice.

When you think about the past and consider what made you got to where you are now, have you ever thought of where you will be standing in the future? And how can you get there?

Setting up your expectations and goals is the first and most important step to achieve what you want in your career and also in your life.

You also have to consider the location and type of the job (permanent or contract), the work structure, reward and recognition, and any pressure associated with the job.

It is in fact a very simple process if you know what your values are. I wish you best luck in your career!

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Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes

Continued from Eight Steps To Be Self Reliant Part One

Fifth, mingle. Forget burying your head in the punch bowl. When you arrive at a party, stride over to someone who seems interesting and strike up a conversation. Introduce yourself to the woman in the leopard-print dress. Ask the shy guy in the corner how he knows the host. Request a martini-making lesson from the bartender. You’ll probably help other people beat their anxieties in the process of beating your own.

Sixth, make the perfect toast. When you want to congratulate a pal on her promotion or drink to your uncle’s birthday party, stand up after everyone has arrived and settled down– but before you’ve had too much bubbly. Rehearsing ahead of time is a good idea. As for your word choice, “the only rule is that you be short, to the point and whenever possible, sincere.” Gentle jokes and teasing are fine but avoid sensitive subjects and questionable humor.

To expertly open champagne, cover the bottle’s neck and cork with a cloth napkin. This serves to “check the cork’s propulsion across the room” and secure your hold. Twist the cork slowly until you hear a pop.

Seventh, take charge in a medical emergency. In the United States someone is injured in his own home every nine seconds, reports the National Safety Council. Your best defense? Keep a well stocked first-aid kit on hand and be prepared. Memorize these tips from the Junior Girl Scouts Handbook:

• If someone is bleeding profusely, place a clean cloth directly on the wound and press firmly. If possible, elevate the bleeding part above heart level.
• Recognize the signs that a person is going into shock. Nausea, shallow breathing and cold and clammy skin are all indicators. If you suspect shock, keep the person lying down. Elevate feet and keep the victim warm by using blankets or your own clothing.
• Take a class in cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR).

Eighth, do not burst into tears. Your, boss/beau/enemy has just slapped you with one nasty insult. You burn with anger and embarrassment. And you feel tears welling in your eyes. How to stop a blubbering scene before it starts? “Imagine terrible revenge,” recommends a psychiatrist. Thinking about what you could—but never would– do is empowering. “If someone insults you, they’re putting you on the battle field,” explains one expert. “If you retreat or break down, you paint yourself as weak. You’ll give your attacker the advantage.”

However, bottle yourself up indiscriminately. “If something tragic happens, it’s appropriate and healthy to cry,” says an expert.

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1. Eight Steps To Be Self Reliant Part One

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Confidence is one of the most valuable attributes a person can possess. Luckily, you don’t have to be born with it. Here are eight strategies that can turn even the shiest doe into a strong, self-reliant person.

First, know you can protect yourself. Learn the basics of self-defense. Start by walking down the street especially at night with your head up. “Looking down paints you as vulnerable,” says a martial arts expert. Stay away from doorways, alleys and other places where an attacker might hide.

If someone actually attacks you, scream like a hell. In addition to alerting others, releasing your fear and anger will enhance your feeling of power and prevent you from holding your breath or freezing,” say the folks at Resources for Personal Empowerment, a national non-profit organization that offers Street Smart seminars and self-defense courses.

Second, change a flat tire. Never again be a damsel in distress at the mercy of male passerby. Put on the emergency brake and grab the spare. Position the jack on the bumper or look for a jack notch near each tire. Crank the car up according to the instructions in your owner’s manual or inside the trunk lid. Use a screwdriver to pry the hubcap off and a socket wrench or tire iron to loosen the nuts. Slide the flat off, put the spare in the place, and tighten the nuts, let down the jack. You’re on your way! Practice this and other fast fixes in your driveway until you can do them in your sleep.

Third, make number crunching easy. Learning how to figure ten percent is a quick solution to many Math problems, says one psychologist. Just round up and move the decimal point one place to the left. Say, you’re bargain shopping and you find $4.95 fashion hair accessories and that’s 30% off. Round off the price tag to $5.00 and figure ten percent by moving the decimal point one space to the left triple it and subtract from the original price to get the sale price.

Fourth, learn to accept compliments. “Remind yourself that a person who compliments you is giving you a gift,” suggests a therapist. To refuse the gift would be uncomfortable for both of you. Instead, calmly say, “Thank you.” No ifs, no buts. “You may have to look in the mirror and practice until it’s automatic,” says another therapist. But that’s a small price to pay for putting yourself and others at ease.

Continued in Eight Steps To Be Self Reliant Part Two

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1. Eight Steps To Be Self Reliant Part Two

Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes

There are many types of jobs available on the market.

Full-time employment: This requires you to work for about 35 to 40 hours per week and receive full weekly wages. You can receive many benefits associated with full-time employment: annual leave, long service leave, annual Holidays, and maybe retirement pension

Casual employment or contract employment: This type involves working on an hourly or daily basis. This type of employment has many disadvantages including:

• No paid sick leave.
• No guarantee of the number of hours worked
• Limited unfair dismissal protection
• No guarantee of regular income
• No paid public holidays

Because casual employment carries high risk, casual workers are often offered an extended loading between 15% and 34%, besides normal rate of pay.  Some awards state that casual workers must be paid for a minimum number of hours per day. Other awards allow employees to work for an indefinite number of hours.

Here are some pros and cons associated with contract employment:

There are many benefits you can have when you are a contractor.  Being a contractor means being your own boss. There will be no one supervising you or reprimand you. Being one’s own boss is the dream of everyone. That’s why contract employment has drawn lots of interests and will continue to be hot for the years coming.

When you are a contractor, you can determine when and where you work. This flexibility of creating your own hours is also very attractive. Many people make a transition from full-time employment to contract employment because of this flexibility

You can work at home. There will be no restriction on “regular schedule” for you to follow, you can work either in an office or at home, it’s your choice that matters.

You can have plenty of work. If your client is pleased with your performance, he will give you unlimited work, even more than you can handle. This is a very good point because you can choose the amount of money you will receive each month by working more or less.

The disadvantages with contract employment are as mentioned earlier. There is no guarantee associated with contract employment. If you are depending on regular income then maybe you won’t consider contract employment as your option. When there is an economic downturn, you, as a contractor, will be the first to get laid off. There is no guarantee of continued employment and employers may fire you for no reason.

There are also no benefits such as life insurance, medical benefits, or paid holidays for contractor.

Personally I think contract employment is not for everyone. You have to consider the risks and rewards carefully before deciding to pursue your career as a contractor. In spite of much instability, contract employment still emerges as a very lucrative type of doing business, especially if you are the kind of person who values personal freedom.

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Reading time: 3 – 4 minutes

Becoming successful is like cooking an intricate dish. There are many ingredients to make the recipe fantastic. Some ingredients are used more than the others. But each of them contributes to the overall taste of the dish.

You may be surprised to find out that you have all the ingredients to be successful. The problem is, most of the time, you do not know which ingredient to use and how much to use. If you have too much of one ingredient, you come up with a different dish!

Aside from using the right ingredients in the right portion, you also have to process the ingredients properly. Just like in cooking, you should not fry what you should boil. Some recipes taste better when baked rather than when fried and so on….

The same goes with success. As there are standard procedures, there are also common elements among successful people: They have a dream and a plan. They try to learn as much as they can about their goal and they are willing to work hard to achieve that goal. Finally, they don’t give up!

FIVE INGREDIENTS FOR SUCCESS

First, successful people are not easily swayed by other people’s opinions. Even if many people think that it is impossible to achieve their goal, successful people do not just give up without trying. But they do not stop at trying once. If it takes them years, they try and try. Each time they try, they see to it that they are better armed. They learn from every failure, that is why they are determined that they will someday succeed.

Important thought: Successful people produce results and not excuses.

Second, successful people are enthusiastic about what they’re doing. It is not enough for them to just accomplish something. They feel good about what they’re doing and thus, they enjoy while they strive. With enthusiasm, a person feels fulfilled and proud. They are willing to go the extra mile. Thus, success to them yields more meaning.

Important thought: Part of the joy of succeeding comes with working your way to achieve that final result.

Third, successful people look for solutions to problems. The path to success isn’t always smooth and easy. Many trials will test one’s determination. But the successful person does not give up because he does not run away from a problem. Instead, he tries to solve the problem. That way, the hindrance completely disappears, making the path ahead clearer.

Important thought: Problems are lessons in disguise.

Fourth, successful people think before they act. Since they are focused on their dream and they are willing to face and solve the problems that they encounter, they plan before they act. They analyze a problem before they attack. If something goes wrong, successful people have alternatives to fall back on. Successful people spend time researching about their goal. Thus, they know what they should be prepared for.

Important thought: Knowing your enemy is half the battle won!

Fifth, successful people are honest to admit their strengths and weaknesses. By knowing where they need to improve, successful people do not waste time neglecting the weak aspects of their personality. Instead, they work at it so that they will be well-rounded to be able to adapt to different situations. They are aware that there are many ways to strengthen their weak points. Before they go on the journey to their goal, successful people arm themselves with their strengths.

Important thought: Learning starts with knowing your own self.  As Shakespeare wrote, “Know thyself.”

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